"Loving a child doesn't mean giving into all his whims; to love is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult." -Nadia Boulanger
"Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved."
-Erich Fromm
"Mother's love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible."
-Marion C. Garretty
"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness."
-Honore De Balzac
"True love begins when nothing is asked for in return." -Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Watching Our Children Grow
As my son continues to grow and gain Independence, I have only one choice: sit back and watch nature take its course. As time passes our relationship evolves. The baby that needed constant coddling, feeding, and nurturing is now the little boy that still needs constant feeding, less conspicuous nurturing, and intermittent coddling. His needs change- mostly with him needing me less and needing to exercise his autonomy more.
In the moments when this metamorphosis, showcasing his self-sufficiency, stare me in the eye, daring me to challenge the natural order of growing up, all I can do is relent and marvel at the amazing young man slowly forming in front of me. Strong cheekbones replace the once chubby, ever-pinchable cheeks and short, straight, dark layers take the place of his bouncing, caramel colored ringlets.
Now, don't get me wrong, as he gets older I discover new joys every day, and I feel an overwhelming sense of excitement thinking about the man he will become.
But there are a few things I really miss! Like the times when he is happy, tired, frightened by the thunder, or sad, and it seemed the only thing his little arms could do was just cling to me- knowing that in my arms he will find safety, rest, familiarity, and most of all, love. Part of growing up is him relying less on that familiar physical comfort to soothe his tears and him beginning to work things out for himself. And although he still comes to me often baring his emotions, those times when he just clung to me, like I was the only thing in his world that could sufficiently offer him peace, are fewer and farther between.
Thinking about this made me think about my own relationship with my Heavenly Father, my 'Abba' God. How often do I cling to Him, taking peace and comfort in His safety and unconditional love?
When I was a 'young' Christian I ran to Him often, sharing excitement, offering praise, and seeking solace. Now, I seem to take His strength and ever-open arms for granted.
I know God takes pleasure in watching His children grow, becoming stronger and more mature. But just as we, as parents, will always cherish those moments when our children still surrender to their innate, overwhelming need to find reprieve and peace solely in our arms, I can only imagine how much more our Father cherishes the moments we cling to Him with complete faith and utter abandon.
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" (Deuteronomy 33:27.)
In the moments when this metamorphosis, showcasing his self-sufficiency, stare me in the eye, daring me to challenge the natural order of growing up, all I can do is relent and marvel at the amazing young man slowly forming in front of me. Strong cheekbones replace the once chubby, ever-pinchable cheeks and short, straight, dark layers take the place of his bouncing, caramel colored ringlets.
Now, don't get me wrong, as he gets older I discover new joys every day, and I feel an overwhelming sense of excitement thinking about the man he will become.
But there are a few things I really miss! Like the times when he is happy, tired, frightened by the thunder, or sad, and it seemed the only thing his little arms could do was just cling to me- knowing that in my arms he will find safety, rest, familiarity, and most of all, love. Part of growing up is him relying less on that familiar physical comfort to soothe his tears and him beginning to work things out for himself. And although he still comes to me often baring his emotions, those times when he just clung to me, like I was the only thing in his world that could sufficiently offer him peace, are fewer and farther between.
Thinking about this made me think about my own relationship with my Heavenly Father, my 'Abba' God. How often do I cling to Him, taking peace and comfort in His safety and unconditional love?
When I was a 'young' Christian I ran to Him often, sharing excitement, offering praise, and seeking solace. Now, I seem to take His strength and ever-open arms for granted.
I know God takes pleasure in watching His children grow, becoming stronger and more mature. But just as we, as parents, will always cherish those moments when our children still surrender to their innate, overwhelming need to find reprieve and peace solely in our arms, I can only imagine how much more our Father cherishes the moments we cling to Him with complete faith and utter abandon.
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" (Deuteronomy 33:27.)
Developing Character As A Mom
I have always admired my grandmother as a person, but especially as a mother and grandmother. She is generous, caring, and hardworking, and has the ability to maintain a calm, sufficient strength through all of life's storms.
Her guidance is so natural, her goodness so sincere, and her most valuable lessons seem so effortlessly passed down to her children and to us, her grandchildren.
Growing up I was certain these wonderful qualities and character strengths would naturally activate in my DNA when I decided to have children of my own. I was absolutely positive this gene merely hibernated, quietly dormant in my blood until, of course, the day I became a mother.
But after my son arrived and the idyllic, tranquil woman (I naturally assumed was part of my genetic make-up) never made her appearance, I panicked. Surely, this meant I was adopted and therefore not programmed for perfection.
After my family re-assured me I was theirs, tried and true, genetic make-up and all, I began looking for other things to blame for my shortcomings. My inadequacy, compared to my grandmother whom I adore, must be the result of the gaping generation gap and extreme demoralization of our society. (I mean, she never had to deal with either one of the Spear's sisters, rap music, or the constant bombardment of explicit sexuality in the media, right?)
Recently, however, while reading the book of Proverbs in the Bible, I got my answer. My grandmother's strength and spiritual devotion have nothing to do with external factors and everything to do with her inner virtue and faith in God. Fortunately through His grace, our Heavenly Father has given us the same tools as every generation before us, including our mothers, and their mothers.
And no, she didn't have to deal with MTV or the Internet, but temptation has been around since the beginning of time. (Remember the snake in the garden?) Even though it has evolved greatly and taken many shapes through the generations, the battle of right and wrong remains the same.
"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. . .Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:28 & 30)
Her guidance is so natural, her goodness so sincere, and her most valuable lessons seem so effortlessly passed down to her children and to us, her grandchildren.
Growing up I was certain these wonderful qualities and character strengths would naturally activate in my DNA when I decided to have children of my own. I was absolutely positive this gene merely hibernated, quietly dormant in my blood until, of course, the day I became a mother.
But after my son arrived and the idyllic, tranquil woman (I naturally assumed was part of my genetic make-up) never made her appearance, I panicked. Surely, this meant I was adopted and therefore not programmed for perfection.
After my family re-assured me I was theirs, tried and true, genetic make-up and all, I began looking for other things to blame for my shortcomings. My inadequacy, compared to my grandmother whom I adore, must be the result of the gaping generation gap and extreme demoralization of our society. (I mean, she never had to deal with either one of the Spear's sisters, rap music, or the constant bombardment of explicit sexuality in the media, right?)
Recently, however, while reading the book of Proverbs in the Bible, I got my answer. My grandmother's strength and spiritual devotion have nothing to do with external factors and everything to do with her inner virtue and faith in God. Fortunately through His grace, our Heavenly Father has given us the same tools as every generation before us, including our mothers, and their mothers.
And no, she didn't have to deal with MTV or the Internet, but temptation has been around since the beginning of time. (Remember the snake in the garden?) Even though it has evolved greatly and taken many shapes through the generations, the battle of right and wrong remains the same.
"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. . .Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:28 & 30)
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